Thankful This Year

   Wow, I have a ton of posts that I've started but haven't finished! I'm not going to sit and contemplate what that says about my personality... Instead I'll check what was supposed to be a Thanksgiving post and hit "post."
   It was the best of times. It was the worst of times. It was a year of gladness and rejoicing. It was a year of struggle and frustration. One year ago I announced with extreme joy that we were having a daughter. The long- awaited answer to several year's worth of prayer. But around that time I also started my struggle with preeclampsia and had already ruptured my Achilles. And the hard times were only going to get worse. Those things were most definitely not in my plans.
     That whole situation...my preeclampsia became bad enough that I was hospitalized and sent home on bed rest around 32 weeks gestation, and had an additional extended period (over three months) of being off my feet after surgery, I can't say enough times how blessed I was during that time period. I never want to go through something like that again. Ever. *shudders.* But I've also never felt so loved. I had two different friends clean my bathroom. I had more people than I can count from my church offering to come over and help with laundry and cleaning. My parents stayed for a while and helped Ryan work on the house and my mom stayed for a loooooong time to take care of the children and me. And while I was sitting on the couch for my second bed rest with my leg up feeling like a useless blob, God continued to provide for us. Quite literally out of the blue, He gave Ryan an amazing job opportunity.  I was reminded again, as I watched my husband work long hours during the harvest season and then come home to work hard to take care of us, what an awesome man he is.
     In the middle of what seemed the longest period of my life, I had tons of time to spend with my three beautiful children. This was the longest maternity leave I'd ever gotten (7 1/2 months!) and the longest period of time I'd been able to spend with the boys since my first summer in the PTA program. (which would be 5 weeks in 2008. Yep, a while ago.) I was blessed to cuddle with my children and watch my boys enjoy being big brothers as well as love on my new baby girl.
     The fall saw my little boy Landon take a big step in growing up and go to kindergarten. Big brother Nathan took little brother under his wing and explained all the rules of school. :) And just when I thought I was going to go positively, absolutely, crazy from being on forced bed rest, my surgeon cleared me to begin walking, and shortly thereafter, to go back to work. And the rest of the year has been us as a family acclimating and finding our new "normal."
     In a year of emotional, physical, spiritual, and financial, hardship, God also brought joy, love, friends, comfort, and blessings. I NEVER want to go through a year like this again. And I'm a little tired of doctor's offices... But I can be thankful for this last year.
 

Back in the tower

Tomorrow is my eight week checkup with my foot surgeon. Its been a year full of doctor's appointments, checkups, and being stuck on the couch. After five weeks of bed rest from preeclampsia, I was thrilled to get up and moving again after Yvonna was born.  And then came my surgery to repair my ruptured Achilles tendon.  Initially, he was saying I would be non-weight-bearing (NWB) for three weeks, in the boot for eight, and not driving for eight.  Then came the actual surgery.  It was ugly inside there. The surgeon described it to my husband as trying to sew together the ends from a horse's tail. Fortunately, I had one tiny segment of my achilles still attached that he was able to use as a template for the length that he needed to sew the others. The phrase he commonly uses in my visits is "due to the chronic nature of your injury." Yeah, walking on a ruptured Achilles for nearly nine months isn't the greatest way to heel. The three weeks of NWB changed into eight. Eight weeks. Two months. Sounds long either way.

I know that there are people in this world who have it much worse off than I do. Believe me, I have worked with many of them. And I'm extremely grateful that my condition is only temporary. I get to get off the crutches at some point. Hopefully tomorrow, but at least at some point. Some people live their lives using crutches, wheelchairs, prosthetics. I feel for them. That's one of the reasons I'm a therapist is because I want to help people regain maximum mobility and quality of life. But I've learned that just because there is someone out there who has a worse condition, that does not negate the pain or frustration of what I'm going through. Since March 6, over four months by now, I've been mainly on bedrest. That bedrest was only punctuated briefly by the break that came from having a baby. Which meant that I was up every 2-3 hours, continually nursing, and recovering from bring the baby into this world. But it felt great to be able to get out of the house! And now I've been stuck. Back in the tower again. With two small boys and an infant. I look forward to not needing the significant amounts of help that I've been needing, to be able to take care of my family myself.

After my knee surgery I was on crutches, but the doctor wanted me putting weight on my leg. (It's called WBAT-weight bearing as tolerated. Meaning the only limitation on how much weight I can put on that leg was only limited by my pain levels) That wasn't too bad. Non weight bearing is no picnic. My arms grow exhausted from carrying my body's weight, as humans were not designed to walk on our hands. My left leg grows tired quickly with standing as I'm balancing entirely on one leg. The steps to my dining room are too short and steep to safely navigate, I can't get things out of the oven, do laundry, or even carry my own daughter.  I've learned how to move things along from surface to surface using my gorilla-length arms and hop over on my crutches. And yes, it's safe.  I've been a model patient. Really, I have. This is my one chance to get it right as a second surgery would not have a good chance of positive outcome.  I'm not going to do anything to jeopardize my chance of healing successfully. This behaving is frustrating, leaving me feeling helpless, needy, and thanking God for the wonderful people who have stepped in to do what I cannot. I'm praying to get clearance to start walking tomorrow. I'm getting serious tower fever.