Thursday, April 9, 2009

Just a few more?

The last two and a half years that I have spent at the university have been both enjoyable and interminable. Time has passed both quickly and achingly slow. I find myself within three weeks of finals bouncing up and down at the prospect of being done with classwork. Summer clinicals will be difficult but enjoyable. To say that I am eagerly anticipating graduating in August and being able to find a job in a clinic is an understatement. I'm ready to be out of school and re-enter the real world!

Somehow, though, when I look at the years that I've spent on campus, it seems as though I didn't get half of what I wanted accomplished. The instructor for my voice class asked if I wanted to take private lessons next year. My voice carried both excitement and regret that I couldn't because I have graduated by then. There are so many courses, so many subjects that I wanted to study, but I just ran out of time. While registering for this last semester I felt like Cinderella at the ball, begging the clock to allow just one more dance. I wanted to take another art course, to study more music. My brain has been stuffed full of physics, anatomy, and chemistry, and it is happy for the challenge. But my spirit feels satisfied when the expression when I am bent over a drawing or my fingers are flying over the keyboard.

At times I look jealously at my younger, single classmates who seem to have the world open. They complain that they can't find anything interesting to fill out their elective hours, while I bring myself back to reality that, no, I can't take the 22 hours of the courses I really am interested in.

But then, when I start the ignition to my Jeep and begin the long drive home, the miles weigh on me. I do not wish to make this drive any longer. The miles weigh on me because they separate me from my children. What science can be more challenging than teaching my oldest son to read? Is there an art course in the world more fun than making dolphins and elephants shape out of playdough and then squishing them with two giggling children? Is there a human relationship more confounding and yet comforting as the marriage relationship? I may miss out on a few college experiences, but what I have more than makes up for it. My life is full, it is rewarding. It is different than that of my classmates. And crazy. :)

Maybe it is for the best that I will leave the university feeling unfinished. I have not lost my desire to learn. My mind still contains many dreams and other goals to accomplish. I will never be bored. There is always something else to discover.

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